{"id":78479,"date":"2024-02-13T14:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-02-13T14:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/weareactors.com\/?p=78479"},"modified":"2024-02-13T15:32:18","modified_gmt":"2024-02-13T15:32:18","slug":"madame-web-review-any-way-you-spin-it-dakota-johnsons-marvel-entry-feels-superfluous","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/weareactors.com\/madame-web-review-any-way-you-spin-it-dakota-johnsons-marvel-entry-feels-superfluous\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018Madame Web\u2019 Review: Any Way You Spin It, Dakota Johnson\u2019s Marvel Entry Feels Superfluous"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"madame<\/div>\n

When I was a kid, my mom steered us toward toys that looked like G.I. Joe or Transformers action figures, but weren\u2019t. Their faces were wack, the joints all wrong, such that the limbs didn\u2019t move right, or else they popped out altogether. Sure, these off-brand imitations cost less than the real thing \u2014 that made a difference on my meager allowance \u2014 but no amount of imagination could turn my busted GoBots into Optimus Prime.<\/p>\n

Now, if 10-year-old me could\u2019ve predicted the future (the way Cassie Webb can), he would\u2019ve seen this disappointment as valuable practice for a movie like \u201cMadame Web<\/a>,\u201d a hollow Sony-made Spider-Man spinoff with none of the charm you expect from even the most basic superhero movie. The title mutant \u2014 who\u2019s never actually identified by that name \u2014 hails from the margins of the Marvel multiverse, which suggests that, much as Sony did with \u201cMorbius\u201d and \u201cVenom,\u201d the studio is scrounging to find additional fringe characters to exploit.<\/p>\n

In her original pulp form, Madame Web was an elderly, blind wheelchair user with uncanny psychic powers. Here, she\u2019s an athletic Gen X ambulance driver who experiences vivid visions of terrible things that are about to happen, early enough to prevent them. She can also \u201cbe in more than one place at the same time.\u201d Not the worst abilities to have, but hardly deserving of a standalone origin story. Her powers prove pretty boring once the pattern establishes itself. The premonitions are freaky, like \u201cFinal Destination\u201d flashes, but Cassie\u2019s \u201clet\u2019s try that again\u201d do-overs render each situation less interesting.<\/p>\n

Even with an actor as clever as Dakota Johnson<\/a> (who seems to suspect she could be caught in the next \u201cCatwoman,\u201d covering her bets with eccentric line readings), \u201cMadame Web\u201d was never going to touch the relatively high-concept, Disney-made Avengers movies. The script is confusing, the action stale and the visual effects cheap. A recurring device that places Cassie at the center of what looks like a giant plasma ball, surrounded by static tendrils, is downright embarrassing. But guess what? Tickets still cost just as much as they would for a more canonical Marvel movie. So why settle for the knock-off?<\/p>\n

For reasons it would spoil the film\u2019s Spider-adjacent agenda to reveal, most of \u201cMadame Web\u201d unfolds in 2003 New York City \u2014\u00a0all but the opening, which takes place on one of those staged \u201cAmazon jungle\u201d sets you see in films like \u201cDora and the Lost City of Gold.\u201d Weeks away from giving birth, Cassie\u2019s pregnant mother Constance (Kerry Bish\u00e9) travels all the way to Peru to find a rare spider with healing abilities. She\u2019s a scientist who doesn\u2019t believe in legends of Las Ara\u00f1as, \u201cmythical spider people who run across the treetops.\u201d But maybe she should.<\/p>\n

Betrayed by expedition sponsor Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim), Constance dies in the jungle, but not before being bitten by one of the elusive spiders, who passes its powers on to her unborn daughter. Now, I know this is a comic book movie, but if you break down the plot, it sounds a lot more like Greek mythology: Cassie (short for Cassandra) grows up an orphan in New York, unlocking her future-forecasting abilities after a near-death experience at age 30. Unlike with her namesake, people tend to believe her.<\/p>\n

Ezekiel also lives in Manhattan, obsessing over a recurring vision of his own (he stole a spider and got a slightly different set of hazily defined powers for his trouble). The monomaniacal bore has but one goal, and that\u2019s to stop the three young women he sees killing him from carrying out that prophecy. Before Ezekiel can break their necks on a train, Cassie anticipates the attack and saves their lives. Ezekiel\u2019s would-be victims are just teenagers \u2014 Julia Cornwall (Sydney Sweeney<\/a>), Anya Corazon (Isabela Merced) and Mattie Franklin (Celeste O\u2019Connor) \u2014 but they possess the potential to become Spider-Women, and he\u2019s threatened by that.<\/p>\n

Frankly, the world already seems a little overcrowded with arachnid-related superheroes, what with the seemingly infinite swarm of variations introduced by Sony\u2019s recent Spider-Verse movies. Instead of clarifying all that confusion, Clarkson\u2019s movie (co-written with three others) merely widens the web, teasing a future vigilante trio, plus whatever Cassie\u2019s supposed to be by the end.<\/p>\n

Future crossover potential aside, Clarkson\u2019s approach feels like a throwback to the kind of unimaginative superhero movies Hollywood produced before Marvel got its act together over at Disney. But this was made at another studio altogether. Even when shooting on location, the movie feels like a backlot stunt show. While the ambulance driving scenes are decent, taking advantage of a certain practical quality, vfx-heavy interactions with Ezekiel (whom the girls call \u201cceiling guy\u201d because he crawls upside-down) look laughably unconvincing. Even his costume is an embarrassment, though the mask does serves to cover Rahim\u2019s mouth \u2014\u00a0it\u2019s a shame to hide the gifted French actor, though his lips never seem to be in sync with what he\u2019s saying, suggesting the performance didn\u2019t go as planned.<\/p>\n

By contrast, Dakota Johnson and Sydney Sweeney bring an endearing irreverence to their characters that could be read as camp, if needed. There are signs (loose ends, really) that \u201cMadame Web\u201d wanted to be more ambitious and eccentric than it turned out. One can imagine a version where the character was romantically interested in fellow paramedic \u2014 and future uncle \u2014 Ben (Adam Scott), which might have strengthened her connection to you-know-who.<\/p>\n

Instead, Cassie spends most of the film<\/a> babysitting the three young ladies, surrounded by less-than-sly nods to year-2003 consumerism: vintage Pepsi products, a classic Calvin Klein ad, plus a table dance to Britney Spears\u2019 \u201cToxic.\u201d In the end, \u201cMadame Web\u201d feels like a cross between an extended soda commercial and a teaser trailer for still more spinoffs. \u201cWhatever the future holds, we\u2019ll be ready,\u201d Cassie promises. But you don\u2019t have to be a soothsayer to see this particular franchise is D.O.A. \u2014 or a snob to expect better.<\/p>\n

\u2018Madame Web\u2019 Review: Any Way You Spin It, Dakota Johnson\u2019s Marvel Entry Feels Superfluous<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I was a kid, my mom steered us toward toys that looked like G.I. Joe or Transformers action figures, but weren\u2019t. Their faces were wack, the joints all wrong, such that the limbs didn\u2019t move right, or else they popped out altogether. Sure, these off-brand imitations cost less than the real thing \u2014 that made a difference on my meager allowance \u2014 but no amount of imagination could turn my busted GoBots into Optimus Prime. Now, if 10-year-old me could\u2019ve predicted the future (the way Cassie Webb can), he would\u2019ve seen this disappointment as valuable practice for a movie<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":78481,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","_eb_attr":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,149],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-78479","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-all-blog-posts","category-film-reviews"],"yoast_head":"\n\u2018Madame Web\u2019 Review: Any Way You Spin It, Dakota Johnson\u2019s Marvel Entry Feels Superfluous | We Are Actors<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In her original pulp form, Madame Web was an elderly, blind wheelchair user with uncanny psychic powers. 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