{"id":32720,"date":"2022-08-18T14:59:40","date_gmt":"2022-08-18T13:59:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/weareactors.com\/?p=32720"},"modified":"2022-08-18T14:59:44","modified_gmt":"2022-08-18T13:59:44","slug":"leslye-headland-monologues","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/weareactors.com\/leslye-headland-monologues\/","title":{"rendered":"Leslye Headland Monologues"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\"Leslye<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Leslye Headland is a graduate of NYU Tisch and is an established playwright, screenwriter and
director. Her featured plays served as a foundation for later film and television adaptations including the
pre-nuptial drama, Bachelorette, which made its world premiere in 2010 at Second Stage \u2013 and later
was adapted into the 2012 romantic comedy starring Kirsten Dunst, Isla Fisher, Lizzy Caplan and Rebel
Wilson. The following year, in 2013 her play \u2018Assistance,\u2019 was acquired by NBC for television, starring
Krysten Ritter, Zach Cregger and Alfred Molina.
Leslye Headland has written each of her plays to highlight the Seven Deadly Sins \u2013 Cinephillia (Lust),
Bachelorette (Gluttony), Assistance (Greed), Surfer Girl (Sloth), Reverb (Wrath), The Accidental Blonde (
Envy) and Cult of Love (Pride).
Below you will find some of the most popular Leslye Headland monologues that offer both challenge, and artistic discovery. Headland is brilliant in the relatable characters she creates, written to empower actors to empathize and seize their true desire. Have so much damn fun.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bachelorette<\/span><\/strong>
2010, Dark Comedy
Scene Two:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Katie: Everyone hated me. But you know what? It\u2019s better than being ignored, which is all anyone does
to me now. You know what I hate the most about my job. When I say, \u201cCan I help you?\u201d And
people just look at me like I am a lighting fixture. I mean, even the people who have nothing but
disdain for me don\u2019t piss me off as much as the people who think I\u2019m part of the scenery.
(Drinks) Then, of course, they inevitably have to come back to me and ask for some fat size
because they\u2019re fat.
Later<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Joe: Will that make you feel better?
Katie: Fine. (Joe gets his things and exits the suite without lingering. A prisoner being released. He leaves the door ajar. Katie cries. Not like a grown person but like a little girl whose toy is broken. She boxes her own ears. A harsh attempt to snap herself out of feeling. To herself, methodically.) Stop it. Stop it. You\u2019re worthless. You\u2019re worthless. You\u2019re worthless. Everyone hates you everyone hates you everyone hates you \u2026 (She sees Regan\u2019s purse and rummages through it.) Come on. Come on. (She finds a pills bottle. A different one than Regan used earlier. A different color.) Jack. Pot. (Katie takes a handful of pills. She doesn\u2019t empty the bottle. She replaces the bottle in Regan\u2019s purse. She swallows the pills and washes them down with champagne. She chokes, then chugs again. )<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stop here if performing the scene without Joe. If you have a Joe then continue \u2013
(Joe bursts back into the suite. He goes straight to Katie and kisses her deep and long. Movie star kissed her. I mean, sweeps her off her feet.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Joe: Did that work? (Katie stare at him,) I\u2019ve always wanted to do something like that. (Katie sways back and forth
for a moment. Then \u2026)
Katie: Joe?
Joe: Yeah?
Katie: It\u2019s not working. (Blackout)
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Age: 30s
Gender: Monologues For Women
Type: Monologues From Plays
Genre: Drama, Comedic<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Scene Three<\/span><\/strong>

The suite is empty as it was. A disaster.
After a moment, Regan emerges from the bedroom. A bed sheet wrapped around her. She goes for the coffee and gulps a mug full. The coffee is ice cold so she instantly opens her mouth and coffee spills all over he chest.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

REGAN: Shit. Fuck. (Her cell phone catches her eye. She looks at it.) Douchebag. (She makes a call. Into the phone. ) What?!\u2026 Why the fuck are you calling me a million times? \u2026 It was on vibrate \u2026I’m at Becky’s thing. I told you we would be out late \u2026 You go out every fucking Saturday with your meathead friends and I go out once \u2026 ONCE in the last six months and you give me shit for it \u2026 Uh huh .. Yeah \u2026 Well, I don’t care \u2026 because you’re an idiot \u2026 Yeah \u2026 I TOLD you we’d be OUT late \u2026 (She see’s Joe’s bowl, She finds a lighter and takes a hit. Into the phone.) You don’t care anyway\u2026 your residency my ass-fuck-face \u2026 No, I’m not smoking \u2026 I’m NOT SMOKING \u2026 I Fucking quit three years ago .. for you .. and you don’t trust me \u2026 thats what this comes down to \u2026 You \u2026 you \u2026 CAN I SAY SOMETHING?! (Jeff enters from the bedroom. He’s practically dressed. He picks up a coffee as well. He spits it back into the cup. Into the phone) Can I say one thing at this juncture before you start acting like \u2026 LISTEN! If you can’t trust me, then I don’t know what the fucking point of me EVER leaving the house \u2026 I’ll just bake a casserole and then lie around with my legs open until you feel like \u2026 YOU ARE SUCH A BABY! \u2026 That’s stupid \u2026 Well, I think you’re stupid \u2026 I’ll be home when I feel like coming home \u2026 FINE! MAYBE I WILL! (She hangs up and tosses the cell phone away.)
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Age: 30s
Gender: Monologues For Women
Type: Monologues From Plays
Genre: Drama , Comedic<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Assistance<\/span><\/strong>
2010, Comedy
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NORA:
I wasn\u2019t sure what the dress code was here so I\u2026 well, I bought this yesterday.
Like it was the first day of school or something. And now I\u2019m telling you about it.
Which of course, sort of defeats the purpose of buying the new outfit for
the new job.
But none of my other clothes are like this so you would\u2019ve found out anyway. It was
really expensive too. Which was stupid. Because I was only gonna wear it once.
\u2026..
NORA:
Like, when I was younger, maybe fifteen, I read an article about him in the
Washington Post and it\u2026 well, I decided that I wanted to do that. You know. So I went
to the library and rifled through the periodicals and the microfiche and studied his\u2026
career. So whatever, I got a dream, you know. Like he, or what he\u2019s done anyway, gave
me a dream. I never thought about what I wanted to do until I discovered him. So I went
to the same college he did. I got the job at Canal Street. Intern, Receptionist, Assistant
and now Assistant to
the President. Assistant to Daniel. So I\u2019m getting closer. This is
sort of a big day for me.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Age: Late 20s, Early 30s
Gender: Monologues For Women
Type: Monologues From Plays
Genre: Comedic<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Heather, in a winter coat, is on her cell phone. She
waits for a bus. She is very upset. She listens to a tirade
from the person on the other
her end of the conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


HEATHER:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mom! I\u2019m not punishing you. I\u2019m not doing anything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t know what you want from me. I got FIRED. I got fired. I tried to get there and I
got fired for trying to get there. So all that work doesn\u2019t even mean anything now.
Okay? I\u2019m unemployed again and now I have to start all over somewhere else and I
worked on getting that position for years. Angling. Bribing. Dodging. To get that job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Why else would I put myself through that? I did it for you<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and Dad. I WENT THROUGH ALL OF THAT FOR YOU!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pause.
BECAUSE I WANTED YOU TO BE PROUD OF ME! BECAUSE I WANTED YOU TO SAY AT PARTIES<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THAT I\u2019M DANIEL WEISINGER\u2019S ASSISTANT AND BE PROUD OF ME!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m not going back there. I\u2019m not. I won\u2019t do it. I won\u2019t beg for my job back. Because<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m EMBARRASSED.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BECAUSE I ALREADY DID AND THEY WOULDN\u2019T GIVE IT BACK TO ME!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DANIEL DOESN\u2019T CARE THAT YOUR BROTHER IS DEAD! HE DOESN\u2019T GIVE
A RAT\u2019S ASS THAT I HAD TO GO TO A FUNERAL. HE DOESN\u2019T CARE
ABOUT ME! I AM REPLACEABLE! HE DOESN\u2019T KNOW ME FROM SOME
GUY WITH AN MBA IN BUSINESS THAT SOME OVERPRICED
NORTHEASTERN SCHOOL HANDED HIM YESTERDAY<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014
Pause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019M NOT IMPORTANT. DON\u2019T YOU GET THAT?!?!?? I\u2019M NOT IMPORTANT.
THIS IS THE ONLY THING THAT MADE ME IMPORTANT AND NOW IT\u2019S<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GONE BECAUSE OF YOU!!! AND YOUR STUPID<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014
Pause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I DON\u2019T CARE THAT YOU\u2019RE SORRY. I DON\u2019T CARE ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WANT MY FUCKING JOB BACK, MOM. I FUCKING EARNED IT AND I
WANT IT back\u2026Mom. I can\u2019t do this. I can\u2019t fight about this right now.
I have to go into a job interview in 20 minutes. I can\u2019t talk about this right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m sorry, too. I\u2019m sorry. I think I have to come home\u2026 for a little bit. I can\u2019t work<\/p>\n\n\n\n

like this anymore. I think I\u2019m going crazy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Okay. I\u2019ll call you afterwards and let you know how it went. Okay. Okay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I love you too, Mom. Bye<\/p>\n\n\n\n

–<\/p>\n\n\n\n

uh.
She hangs up the phone and stares at nothing.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Age: Late 20s, Early 30s
Gender: Monologues For Women
Type: Monologues From Plays
Genre: Comedic
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Leslye Headland is a graduate of NYU Tisch and is an established playwright, screenwriter anddirector. Her featured plays served as a foundation for later film and television adaptations including thepre-nuptial drama, Bachelorette, which made its world premiere in 2010 at Second Stage \u2013 and laterwas adapted into the 2012 romantic comedy starring Kirsten Dunst, Isla Fisher, Lizzy Caplan and RebelWilson. The following year, in 2013 her play \u2018Assistance,\u2019 was acquired by NBC for television, starringKrysten Ritter, Zach Cregger and Alfred Molina.Leslye Headland has written each of her plays to highlight the Seven Deadly Sins \u2013 Cinephillia (Lust),Bachelorette (Gluttony), Assistance (Greed),<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":32722,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","_eb_attr":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,148],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-32720","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-all-blog-posts","category-monologues-from-plays"],"yoast_head":"\nLeslye 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