The glamorous world of acting can sometimes seem like an enigma, an art form where talent alone is the passport to success. However, hidden beneath the mesmerizing performances are countless hours of diligent work and meticulous preparation. Central to this preparation are practice scripts for actors, serving as the backbone of an actor’s craft.

Imagine a practice script as an actor’s toolbox, each line a unique tool designed to carve out their ability to interpret, perform, and captivate. These scripts help in mastering the intricacies of delivering dialogues, understanding character arcs, and embodying varied emotions. The act of rehearsing with practice scripts nurtures an actor’s proficiency in timing, voice modulation, and articulation, thus providing the foundation upon which acting skills are built.

Beyond developing acting skills, practice scripts also serve as an essential resource for auditions and self-improvement. They allow actors to experiment with different characters, genres, and emotional spectrums, often serving as a mirror reflecting an actor’s strengths and areas needing improvement. By rehearsing with these scripts, actors can build confidence, explore various acting techniques, and even discover new facets of their craft.

Furthermore, for auditions, well-chosen practice scripts can prove to be instrumental. They equip actors with the ability to step into any character’s shoes, deliver convincing performances, and stand out in front of casting directors. Not to mention, they also help actors get into the rhythm of cold reading, a skill highly valued in the acting industry.

Choosing the Right Practice Script

Choosing the right practice script is a bit like fitting together the pieces of a puzzle. It’s a deliberate process that requires consideration of several key factors to ensure the final image – your performance – is as compelling and authentic as possible.

1. Consider Your Character and Acting Style

Firstly, it’s essential to consider your own acting style and the type of characters you gravitate towards. Are you drawn to drama or comedy? Do you excel in playing strong, independent characters or those with a softer, more vulnerable side? Understanding your strengths and the roles you’re interested in is the first step in choosing a script that you can genuinely connect with and bring to life.

2. Age and Experience Appropriate Scripts

Secondly, opt for scripts that are age-appropriate and align with your experience level. If you’re just starting, a complex monologue from a Shakespearean tragedy might not be the best choice. Start with scripts that match your acting abilities and gradually move to more challenging pieces as your confidence and skills grow.

3. Gender-Specific or Gender-Neutral Scripts

When choosing a practice script, it’s also crucial to recognize the difference between scripts designed for male actors, female actors, and non-binary individuals. While many scripts are versatile and can be adapted across genders, others are specifically written to highlight the experiences and perspectives of a particular gender. Non-binary actors may choose scripts that either align with their own experiences or those that provide room for creative interpretation. Respect the context and character of the script while making your choice.

4. Aligning with Your Personality

Lastly, one of the most vital factors in selecting a practice script is ensuring it aligns with your personality. An authentic performance often stems from a deep personal connection with the character. If a script resonates with you, it becomes easier to deliver a compelling performance that’s both believable and relatable.

Choosing the right practice script for actors is not merely about selecting lines to recite; it’s about choosing a character’s life to embody and a story to tell. By considering these key factors, actors can find scripts that not only help them showcase their acting talents but also aid in their ongoing journey of self-improvement and mastery of the craft.

Highlighted Practice Scripts for Actors

To illustrate the rich variety of practice scripts for actors available, we have provided a large list that stand out for their engaging characters, dynamic dialogue, and unique storytelling. These scripts, drawn from our recommended sources, cater to a range of genders and acting styles. Let’s explore what makes each one a worthy addition to an actor’s practice repertoire.

Female Scripts For Teens Ages (13 – 19)

Comedy

The Perfect Man – Holly/Amy Scene 1 – Age range 15-17

The Perfect Man – HollyAmy-Scene 2 – Age range 15-17

The Amazing O’Malley’s – Julia

Sharing Annie – Annie

Odd Man Out – Paige

Joint Custody – Lisa

Hot Mama – Ashley

Easy A – Renee

Daddy’s Girl – Pen

Charlie Bartlett – Susan

As The World Turns – Mia

Drama

Here are some dramatic female audition scripts for teens that are wonderful to practice on.

Pictures of You – Marcy Scene 1

Keep Calm and Karey On – Destiny

Joint Custody – Lisa

Hot Mama – Ashley

Past Lives – Susan

No Ordinary Family – Daphne

Lux – Lux

Greta – Greta

Ghost Whisperer – Caitlin

Everwood – Laynie

Male Scripts For Teens Ages (13 – 19)

Comedy

Below are some comedy male practice scripts.

Cherry – Aaron

Beverly Hills 90210 – Dixon

Fish Tank – Gabe

True Jackson – Jimmy

The Undergraduate – Cliff or Zach Scene

The Amazing O’Malley’s – Danny

Savages – Reed/TJ

Odd Man Out – Andrew

Man Up – Nathan

How To Eat Fried Worms – Billy

Drama

Desperate Housewives – Josh Applewhite

Prayers for Bobby – Bobby Scene 1

The Favor – Johnny Scene 1

The Crazies – Billy

Untitled Spike Lee Project – Kev

Stand By Me – Chris (12 Years old)

Home of the Brave – Billy (15 Years Old)

Friday Night Lights – Vince Scene 1

Friday Night Lights – Vince Scene 2

Female Scripts Ages 20’s – 30’s

Comedy

Hitched – Rachel

Dumping Lisa – Lisa

Defying Gravity – Chloe

Dead Like Me – Yvonne

Daddy’s Girl – Pen

The Big Bang Theory – Gilda

Bent – Alex

Beautiful Girl – Anya

Back To Kansas – Susan

As The World Turns – Mia

Drama

Whiplash – Nicole

The West Wing – Ainsley

Nip:Tuck – Emme

NCIS – Agent Eilertson

How to Get Away with Murder – Laurel

Girl Interrupted – Susanna

Cult – Chloe

Cloverfield – Beth

Brothers & Sisters – Rebecca

As If – Sasha

Male Scripts Ages 20’s – 30’s

Comedy

Marriage 101 – Eddie or Brian

October Road – Allen

The Undergraduate – Cliff or Zach Scene 1

Everwood – Bright

Lucky Us – Alex

How to Get Away With Murder – Asher

Ugly Betty – Matt

The O.C. – Caleb

Scandal – Harrison

Knocked Up – Ben

Drama

Supernatural – Dean

The Mountain – Eric

The Grudge – Doug

Sex & The City – Jeremy Scene 1

Law & Order SVU – Adam

Grey’s Anatomy – Alex

Donnie Brasco – Donnie

Castle – Adam Lane

Boardwalk Empire – Jimmy

Blue Bloods – Hafiz

Female Scripts Ages 40’s and Up

Comedy

Whiplash – Nicole

The West Wing – Ainsley

Nip:Tuck – Emme

NCIS – Agent Eilertson

How to Get Away with Murder – Laurel

Girl Interrupted – Susanna

Cult – Chloe

Cloverfield – Beth

Brothers & Sisters – Rebecca

As If – Sasha

Male Audition Scripts Ages 40’s and Up

Comedy

Alpha House – Senator Gil John Biggs

Five Easy Pieces – Bobby

Man Up – Kenny

Dads – Crawford or David

Everybody Loves Raymond – William

Daddy’s Girl – Robert

Drama

Young Americans – Senator Calhoun

Happy Town – Big Dave

Sex & The City – Jeremy Scene 1

Rescue Me – Tommy

The Shield – Vic

Shameless – Frank

Boston Public – Mr. Ellison

Hannibal – Jack Crawford

Blue Bloods – Ralph

A well-rehearsed script can have a significant impact on audition success. It shows that you’ve invested time and effort into understanding your character and perfecting your performance. It can showcase your commitment, professionalism, and passion for the craft. A memorable audition isn’t just about talent; it’s about preparation, understanding, and execution, all of which are facilitated by effectively using practice scripts.

In essence, practice scripts for actors are the key to unlocking a powerful and convincing audition. They help you get into the heart and soul of the character, providing a solid foundation upon which you can build a standout performance. So, as you prepare for your next audition, remember the profound words of acting legend Laurence Olivier, “I believe that in a great city, or even in a small city or a village, a great theater is the outward and visible sign of an inward and probable culture.” Practice, prepare, and let your scripts guide your journey to acting success.

We hope you find something great in this list of scripts for acting practice. The acting world is vast and varied, but remember: all the world’s a stage. So, take the words of legendary actress Meryl Streep to heart: “Acting is not about being someone different. It’s finding the similarity in what is apparently different, then finding myself in there.”

The post 100 Practice Scripts For Actors | Audition Scripts appeared first on We Are Actors.

Are you funny? Like a clown? Do you amuse me? Are you here for my entertainment? Let’s face it, being funny is one of the most deceptively hard things to do on command. There is a science to comedy. It’s mathematical, its calculated, it requires precision and pinpoint timing. Farts are also funny. But in the case you find yourself too bashful to break wind in the audition room we have compiled a few lists of comedic monologues for boys to practice on.

Great comedic monologues for men aren’t that hard to come by, but they can be difficult to execute correctly. When auditioning for a comedic role, it’s crucial that you choose a monologue that will help your personality shine through while allowing you to come across as the characters completely.

In this article, we have great comedic monologues for men from many wonderful plays. We’ll also explore 10 hilarious male monologues from movies that showcase comedic talent. Whether you’re an aspiring actor or simply seeking some side-splitting entertainment, these monologues are sure to hit the mark. So, without further ado, let’s dive into the world of comedic monologues for men and find the perfect piece to leave your audience in stitches

Comedic Monologues For Men

1. Tartuffe By Moliere

TARTUFFE: A love of heavenly beauty does not preclude
A proper love for earthly pulchritude;
Our senses are quite rightly captivated
By perfect works our Maker has created.
Some glory clings to all that Heaven has made;
In you, all Heaven’s marvels are displayed.
On that fair face, such beauties have been lavished,
The eyes are dazzled and the heart is ravished;
How could I look on you, O flawless creature,
And not adore the Author of all Nature,
Feeling a love both passionate and pure
For you, his triumph of self-portraiture?
At first, I trembled lest that love should be
A subtle snare that Hell had laid for me;
I vowed to flee the sight of you, eschewing
A rapture that might prove my soul’s undoing;
But soon, fair being, I became aware
That my deep passion could be made to square
With rectitude, and with my bounden duty.
I thereupon surrendered to your beauty.
It is, I know, presumptuous on my part
To bring you this poor offering of my heart,
And it is not my merit, Heaven knows,
But your compassion on which my hopes repose.
You are my peace, my solace, my salvation;
On you depends my bliss – or desolation;
I bide your judgment and, as you think best,
I shall be either miserable or blest.

Age: 20s 30s 40s
Gender: Male
From: Monologues From Plays
Type: Comedy
One minute monologue: No

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2. Fat Pig By Neil Lubute

TOM: I’m weak. That’s what I basically learned from our time together. I am a weak person, and I don’t know if I can overcome that. No, maybe I do know. Yeah. I do know that I am, and I can’t… overcome it, I mean. I think you are an amazing woman, I honestly do. And I really love what we’ve had here. Our time together… But I think that we’re very different people. Not just who we are- jobs or that kind of thing- but it does play into it as well. Factors in. We probably should’ve realized this earlier, but I’ve been so happy being near you that I just sorta overlooked it and went on. I did. But I feel it coming up now, more and more, and I just think- No, that’s bullshit, actually, the whole work thing.

Age: 20s 30s 40s
Gender: Male
From: Monologues From Plays
Type: Comedy
One minute monologue: No

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3. The Importance of Being Earnest By Oscar Wilde

ALGERNON: I haven’t the smallest intention of dining with Aunt Augusta. To begin with, I dined thereon Monday, and once a week is quite enough to dine with one’s own relations. In thesecond place, whenever I do dine there I am always treated as a member of the family,and sent down with either no woman at all, or two. In the third place, I know perfectlywell whom she will place me next to, to-night. She will place me next Mary Farquhar,who always flirts with her own husband across the dinner-table. That is not very pleasant. Indeed, it is not even decent . . . and that sort of thing is enormously on the increase. The amount of women in London who flirt with their own husbands is perfectly scandalous. It looks so bad. It is simply washing one’s clean linen in public.

Age: 30s 40s
Gender: Male
From: Monologues From Plays
Type: Comedy
One minute monologue: Yes

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4. Leo Bloom from “The Producers” – I Would Like to Say Something

Monologue: “I would like to say something your honor, not on my behalf, but in reference to my partner, Mr. Bialystock….your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Max Bialystock is the most selfish man I ever met in my life…Not only is he liar, and a cheat and a scoundrel, and a crook, who has taken money from little old ladies, he has also talked people into doing things, especially me, that they would never in a thousand years had dreamed of doing. But, your honor, as I understand it the law was created to protect people from being wronged. Your honor, whom has Max Bialystock wronged? I mean, whom has he really hurt? Not me. Not me. I was…. this man…. no one ever called me Leo before. I mean, I know it’s not a big legal point, but even in kindergarten they used to call me Bloom. I never sang a song before. I mean with someone else, I never sang a song with someone else before. This man…. this man… this is a wonderful man. He made me what I am today…he did. And what of the dear ladies? What would their lives have been without Max Bialystock? Max Bialystock, who made them feel young, and attractive, and wanted again. That’s all I have to say.”

Age: 20s 30s 40s 50s
Gender: Male
From: Monologues From Plays and Movies
Type: Comedy
One minute monologue: No

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5. The Cherry Orchard BY Anton Chekov

TROFIMOV: All Russia is our orchard. The land is great and beautiful, there are many marvellous places in it. (Pause) Think, Anya, your grandfather, your great-grandfather, and all your ancestors were serf-owners, they owned living souls; and now, doesn’t something human look at you from every cherry in the orchard, every leaf and every stalk? Don’t you hear voices…? Oh, it’s awful, your orchard is terrible; and when in the evening or at night you walk through the orchard, then the old bark on the trees sheds a dim light and the old cherry-trees seem to be dreaming of all that was a hundred, two hundred years ago, and are oppressed by their heavy visions. Still, at any rate, we’ve left those two hundred years behind us. So far we’ve gained nothing at all—we don’t yet know what the past is to be to us—we only philosophize, we complain that we are dull, or we drink vodka. For it’s so clear that in order to begin to live in the present we must first redeem the past, and that can only be done by suffering, by strenuous, uninterrupted labour. Understand that, Anya.

Age: 50s
Gender: Male
From: Monologues From Plays
Type: Comedy
One minute monologue: Yes

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6. The Book of Mormon by Matt Stone, Robert Lopez, and Trey Parker

ELDER PRICE: Well, well… If it isn’t the SUPER MORMON. Spreading “the word”?! Making more – BRAIN WASHED ZOMBIES?! How is it YOU converted all those people into Mormons! You get everything you pray for. YOU’RE doing everything I was supposed to do. Doesn’t that seem a little telling to you?! The universe doesn’t work the way we were told! When I was nine years old… My family took a trip to Orlando, Florida. It was the most wonderful, most magical place I had ever seen. I said to myself “THIS is where I want to spend eternity!” My parents told me that if I made God proud, and did whatever the church asked, in the Latter Days I could have whatever I wanted. So I WORKED and I WORKED. And even when I studied Mormon stories and I thought, ‘That doesn’t make ANY SENSE’, I KEPT WORKING because I was told ONE DAY — I would get my reward!! Planet Orlando! But what do I have now? I can’t even get a ticket home…

Age: 20s 30s Teens
Gender: Male
From: Monologues From Plays Musicals
Type: Comedy
One minute monologue: No

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7. THE RETURN BY Reg Cribb

STEVE: No, no, no… ya can’t turn back now. I’m startin’ to see you as the voice of a very misunderstood section of our society. But you know… there’s a million of me getting’ round, mate. And they’ll all tell ya they had a tough life. You know, beaten up by their dad, in trouble with the cops, pisshead mum, rough school. A million fuckin’ excuses why they turned out to be bad eggs.

And I got all of the above… Oh yeah! Truth is, most of ―em are just bored. They leave their shit-ass state school and live on the dole in their diddly bumfuck nowhere suburb. Before ya know it, ya got some girl up the duff and no money. She spends the day with a screamin’ sprog and a fag in her mouth plonked in front of a daytime soap wearin her tracky daks all day, dreamin’ of bein’ swept away by some Fabio and she just gets… fatter. But… her Centrelink payments have gone up and all her fat friends are waitin’ in line behind her!

It’s a career move for ―em. Gettin up the duff. And you… drink with ya mates, watch the footy and the highlight of the week is the local tavern has a skimpy barmaid every Friday. And ya know the rest of the world is havin a better time. Ya just know it. The magazines are tellin’ ya that, the newspapers, the telly.

Everybody’s richer, everybody’s more beautiful, and everybody’s got more… purpose. And ya thinkin’, how do I make sense of this dog-ass life? And then one day ya just get hold of a gun. Ya don’t even know what ya gonna do with it. It’s like the sound of a V8 in the distance. It takes ya… somewhere else. [Pause.] I didn’t see ya writin’ any of this down. I’m spillin’ my guts out in the name of art and you don’t give a shit. What sort of writer are ya?

Age: 20s 30s
Gender: Male
From: Monologues From Plays
Type: Comedy
One minute monologue: No

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8. SECRET BRIDESMAIDS BUSINESS BY Elizabeth Coleman

JAMES: Look, sex and love are separate things…Well, they can be, that’s all I’m saying. This thing with Naomi- okay, it should never have happened-but it didn’t have to impact on what I have with Meg. I thought that was the deal. It was a separate arrangement. She told me she just wanted a bit of fun, and now she turns around and does this…! I mean, where the hell did that come from? If I’d known Naomi felt like that I would’ve broken it off with her months ago. Well maybe. Oh shit, maybe not. But I just-I just wish women would say what they mean. You know-plainly, clearly state what they want instead of expecting you to be psychic. Meg bought me this T-shirt at the Warner Brothers store, and it’s got a picture of Superman on it. He’s wearing this perplexed expression and he’s saying You want me to leap tall buildings and be sensitive and supportive?! That’s how it is with women. They want you to slay a dragon for them one second, then cry at a guide dog commercial the next.

And somehow you’re expected to guess when they want you to be controlling and when they want you to be crying-and if you don’t make the right guess at the right time it’s instantly construed as proof that you don’t love them enough. If you really loved me you wouldn’t need to ask. How many times have I heard that? Well I’m sorry, I’ve loved a few people a lot, but no-one’s ever stepped out of the shadows and handed me a crystal ball. Anyway, I know I’m trying to change the subject. The fact is, I’ve been acting like a prick.

Age: 20s 30s 40s
Gender: Male
From: Monologues From Plays
Type: Comedy
One minute monologue: No

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9. COSI By Louis Nowra

DOUG: It was the fault of the psychiatrist. I’d been seeing him because of my pyromania-that’s a person who likes lighting fires-but you probably know that being University educated. You know the problem with pyromania? It’s the only crime where you have to be at the scene of it to make it a perfect crime, to give yourself satisfaction. “Course, that means the chances of you getting caught are greater, especially if you’re standing in front of the fire, face full of ecstasy and with a gigantic hard on. So, the cops got me and I’m sent to the shrink. He tells me that I’ve got an unresolved problem with my mother. I think, hello, he’s not going to tell me to do something Oedipal, like fuck her or something…but that wasn’t the problem. My ego had taken a severe battering from her. He said I had better resolve it, stop treating her like I was still a child. It made some sort of cosmic sense. I had to stand up to her. So I thought about it and realized that I had to treat it like a boxing match, get the first punch in, so to speak, to give me the upper hand in our relationship. She had five cats.

One night I rounded them up, put them in a cage, doused them with petrol and put a match to them. Well, boy, oh, boy, what a racket! They were running around the backyard burning and howling-there’s no such thing as grace under pressure for a burning cat, let me tell you. I hid in the shrubs when Mum came outside to see what was happening. Totally freaked out, she did. Five of them, running around the backyard like mobile bonfires. I figured I’d wait a couple of hours till the cats were dead and mum was feeling a bit sorry for herself and I’d knock on the front door and say to her ‘Hi, mum, I’ve come to talk about our unresolved conflicts’ but, oh, no, one of those cats ran into the house. In a couple of minutes the whole bloody house was alight and within half an hour there was no bloody front door to knock on. (a beat) If it wasn’t for that damn cat, I wouldn’t be here.

Age: 20s 30s 40s
Gender: Male
From: Monologues From Plays
Type: Comedy
One minute monologue: No

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10. THE DAYS & NIGHTS OF BEEBEE FENSTERMAKER By: William Snyder

BOB: My name is Bob Smith, care of Claude and Esther Berry Smith, Box 231, Hughes, Arkansas. I’m twenty-five years old and I have an eighth grade education. My daddy run me clean out of town. Bought me a one way ticket on a Trailways Bus. Told me he’d buy me a one way ticket to anyplace in the U.S.A. Even rode with me as far as Le-Hi. (Pronounced Lee-High) to make sure I didn’t pull a fast one and slip back after sundown. He said Hughes wasn’t big enough for the both of us. Hughes is tee-ninecy all right. But I didn’t think it was that small. Last I seen of my Daddy was when the bus puled into Le-Hi. he got off the bus and bought me a Dr. Pepper and this comic book. (pulls a comic book from hip pocket) He said, “Well, so long, Bob. I’ll see you in the funny papers.” Before I could even say anything he skipped across the highway and was thumbin a ride back to Hughes. That was the last I seen of my daddy. The very last I seen of him before he took off for Hughes. I bet he was back there before supper. I know he’s back there by now.

(Pleasantly, He looks at the kitchen table) I wonder what Momma and Daddy had for supper? Fried chicken most likely. I sure do love friend chicken.

I sure do miss Hughes. I never been no further than Blackfish Lake cept the time Momma and Daddy took me up to hear Reverend Moore Preach a revival at Proctor. Momma’s a bug on religion, but old Reverend Moore’s one somebody sure igged her. Reverend Moores the shoutin foot stompin kind of religion, and Momma’s is the toe the line, hoe the row kind. They don’t even sing in Momma’s church. It was started up right there in Hughes by Reverend Bitsie Trotter. He does odd jobs with a pick-up truck during the week. Folks said the reason he didn’t allow singing was cause he couldn’t carry a tune.

Age: 20s 30s
Gender: Male
From: Monologues From Plays
Type: Comedy
One minute monologue: No

Download This Monologue here

11. Black Stache from “Peter and the Starcatcher” – Perhaps You Think

Monologue: “Perchance you think a treasure trunk sans treasure has put my piratical BVDs in a twist? How wrong you are. Yes, I’d hoped to be hip-deep in diamonds, but they’re a poor substitute for what I really crave: a bona fide hero to help me feel whole. For without a hero, what am I? Half a villain; a pirate in part; ruthless, but toothless. And then I saw you, and I thought, “Maybe? Can it be? Is he the one I’ve waited for? Would he, for example, give up something precious for the sake of the daughter he loves?” But alas, he gives up sand. Now, let’s see: hero with treasure, very good. Hero with no treasure…. doable. No hero and a trunk full o’ sand? Not s’much. NOW, WHERE’S MY TREASURE?!?”

Age: 20s 30s 40s
Gender: Male
From: Monologues From Plays Movies
Type: Comedy
One minute monologue: Yes

Download This Monologue Here

Here are a few hilarious male monologues from movies that showcase comedic talent:

“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” (1986)

Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick): Ferris’ opening monologue explaining his philosophy on life and how to take a day off from school.

“Annie Hall” (1977) Alvy Singer (Woody Allen):

Alvy’s opening monologue discussing his views on life, love, and relationships.

“Dr. Strangelove” (1964)

President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers): The President’s absurd phone call with the Soviet Premier, trying to explain the accidental deployment of a nuclear bomb.

“The Hangover” (2009)

In conclusion, comedic monologues for men offer a unique opportunity for actors to showcase their skills and leave audiences in fits of laughter. From classic plays to modern masterpieces, we’ve covered 20 of the most hilarious monologues in the comedy genre. Remember, the key to a successful performance is to select a monologue that resonates with you and your audience, and make sure to do your research and practice, practice, practice! Keep these comedic gems in mind, and you’re sure to bring the house down every time

Monologue Database

Comedic Monologues For Women

The post Comedic Monologues For Men appeared first on We Are Actors.

Comedic Monologues for Women

Finding great comedic monologues for women can be quite tough. The perfect monologue can make or break your audition. If you’re going in to audition for a comedy role, it’s crucial that you choose a monologue that will accentuate your talent for comedy.

Deciding on a monologue is never easy, but it’s typical for performers to find that one monologue resonates with them over another. Spend some time before your audition reading through monologues, practicing the ones you’ve narrowed down, and picking one that works at both your talent and comfort level.

If you can’t seem to find the perfect monologue, we’ve put together a list of our favorites. Take a moment to read through and see what stands out for you! Here is our list of comedic monologues for women.

Dotty Otley from “Noises Off” – I Can’t Open the Sardines Can

“It’s no good you going on. I can’t open sardines and answer the phone. I’ve only got one pair of feet. Hello…. Yes, but there’s no one here, love…. No, Mr. Brent’s not here…He lives here, yes, but he don’t live here now because he lives in Spain… Mr. Philip Brent, that’s right…. The one who writes the plays, that’s him, only now he writes them in Spain… No, she’s in Spain, too, they’re all in Spain, there’s no one here… Am I in Spain? No, I’m not in Spain, dear. I look after the house for him, but I go home at one o’clock on Wednesday, only I’ve got a nice plate of sardines to put my feet up with, because it’s the royal what’s-it’s called on the telly — the royal you know — where’s the paper, then? And if it’s to do with letting the house then you’ll have to ring the house-agents, because they’re the agents for the house…. Squire Squire, Hackham and who’s the other one…? No, they’re not in Spain, they’re next to the phone in the study. Squire, Squire, Hackham, and hold on, I’ll go and look. Always the same, isn’t it. Soon as you take the weight off your feet, down it all comes on your head.”

Download This Monologue Here

Mrs. Armstrong from “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” – Give Everyone a Chance

“[Let me]tell you again, Grace, how important it is to give everyone a chance. Here’s what I do — I always start with Mary and tell them we must choose our Mary carefully because Mary was the mother of Jesus… Yes, and then I tell them about Joseph, that he was God’s choice to be Jesus’ father. That’s how I explain that. Frankly, I don’t ever spend much time on Joseph because it’s always Elmer Hopkins, and he knows all about Mary and Joseph, but I do explain about the Wise Men and the shepherds and how important they are. And I tell them, there are no small parts, only small actors. Remind the angel choir not to stare at the audience, and don’t let them wear earrings and things like that. And don’t let them wear clunky shoes or high heels. I just hope you don’t have too many baby angels, Grace, because they’ll be your biggest problem. You’ll have to get someone to push the baby angels on, otherwise they get in each other’s way and bend their wings. Bob could do that, and he could keep an eye on the shepherds too. Oh, another thing about the angel choir. Don’t let them wear lipstick. They think because it’s a play that they have to wear lipstick, and it looks terrible. So tell them…. And, Grace, don’t use just anybody’s baby for Jesus… get a quiet one. Better yet, get two if you can… then if one turns out to be fussy, you can always switch them.”

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Lady Mary from “The Admirable Crichton” – A Herd Near Penguins Creek

“I sighted a herd near Penguin’s Creek, but had to creep round Silver Lake to get to windward of them. However, they spotted me and then the fun began. There was nothing for it but to try and run them down, so I singled out a fat buck and away we went down the shore of the lake, up the valley of rolling stones; he doubled into Brawling River and took to the water, but I swam after him; the river is only half a mile broad there, but it runs strong. He went spinning down the rapids, down I went in pursuit; he clambered ashore, I clambered ashore; away we tore helter-skelter up the hill and down again. I lost him in the marshes, got on his track again near Bread Fruit Wood, and brought him down with an arrow in Firefly Grove.”

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Sally Brown from “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown” – I Got a C

“A ‘C’? A ‘C’? I got a ‘C’ on my coathanger sculpture? How could anyone get a ‘C’ in coathanger sculpture? May I ask a question? Was I judged on the piece of sculpture itself? If so, is it not true that time alone can judge a work of art? Or was I judged on my talent? If so, is it fair that I be judged on a part of my life over which I have no control? If I was judged on my effort, then I was judged unfairly, for I tried as hard as I could! Was I judged on what I had learned about this project? If so, then were not you, my teacher, also being judged on your ability to transmit your knowledge to me? Are you willing to share my ‘C’? Perhaps I was being judged on the quality of coathanger itself out of which my creation was made…now is this not also unfair? Am I to be judged by the quality of coat hangers that are used by the drycleaning establishment that returns our garments? Is that not the responsibility of my parents? Should they not share my ‘C’?”

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Lucy from “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown” – What I Intend

“Do you know what I intend? I intend to be a queen. When I grow up I’m going to be the biggest queen there ever was, and I’ll live in a big palace and when I go out in my coach, all the people will wave and I will shout at them, and…and…in the summertime I will go to my summer palace and I’ll wear my crown in swimming and everything, and all the people will cheer and I will shout at them… What do you mean I can’t be queen? Nobody should be kept from being a queen if she wants to be one. It’s usually just a matter of knowing the right people.. ..well…. if I can’t be a queen, then I’ll be very rich then I will buy myself a queendom. Yes, I will buy myself a queendom and then I’ll kick out the old queen and take over the whole operation myself. I will be head queen.”

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Elaine Robinson from “The Graduate” – Nothing’s Perfect

“Well nothing’s perfect Benjamin. I wish my mother didn’t drink so much. I wish I’d never fallen out of that tree and broken my thumb because it so affects my fingering I’ll probably never play the violin as well as I’d love to but that’s about it for the bullshit, Benjamin. It’s only bullshit if you let it pile up. Heaven’s in the details. Someone said that. I think Robert Frost said that. I was in this diner with my roommate Diane? And this guy came along with a goat on a rope and it turns out the reason he’s got a little goat on a rope is that he was thrown out the day before for bringing in his dog? But the point is that Diane had stood up to leave when she saw the man walk in and she sat straight down again and said, well if there’s a goat I think I’ll have dessert. And that’s why I love Diane, because if you think like that you not only notice more little goats, you get more dessert.”

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Janet from “The West Wing” – Pigeons

“I’m sorry, but a good HALF of the United States hates pigeons. One third shoots them for game. I’m not the only bad guy here. You would have voted for an elephant if it had told you it could fix the economy. Which, by the way, is still not fixed. A giant goose egg. […] I’m sorry if I am offending you, but I find it more than a little offensive that I just walked my daughter past a portrait of a pigeon in the National Art Gallery before I came here.”

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Helena from “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” – Out of Breath

“O, I am out of breath in this fond chase!

The more my prayer, the lesser is my grace.

Happy is Hermia, wheresoe’er she lies;

For she hath blessed and attractive eyes.

How came her eyes so bright? Not with salt tears:

If so, my eyes are oftener wash’d than hers.

No, no, I am as ugly as a bear;

For beasts that meet me run away for fear:

Therefore no marvel though Demetrius

Do, as a monster fly my presence thus.

What wicked and dissembling glass of mine

Made me compare with Hermia’s sphery eyne?

But who is here? Lysander! on the ground!

Dead? or asleep? I see no blood, no wound.

Lysander if you live, good sir, awake”

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Kim from “Rather be a Man” – I’d Rather be a Man

“I don’t know what it is with me lately but I just get so UGH! when guys come up to me, with their cheesy lines, (imitating guy) “Hey, you have such a beautiful smile” or “Can I just tell you that you are so beautiful”.Ugh!It disgusts me.I mean, who the hell does this guy or that guy think he is to give me such compliments?What gives him the right?I don’t do anything to give off any kind of interest whatsoever, I completely look the other way when I see eye contact happening and they STILL come over thinking they’re so suave and it’s simply repulsive.You know what I’m saying??What does a girl have to do these days?Maybe if I just vomited on myself the guy would walk the other way but I bet even then, I’d get, “The way you vomit on yourself is just so, so delightful.”…All I want is to be left alone.I have a man, I love my man and I do my best to be polite but the irritation and the cheesy lines are getting to be too much.Guys are blind, they really are, OBLIVIOUS to when a girl is not interested.There are days when I rather be a man.”

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Rosalind from “As You Like It” – And Why, I Pray You

“And why, I pray you? Who might be your mother,That you insult, exult, and all at once,Over the wretched? What though you have no beauty,–As by my faith, I see no more in youThan without candle may go dark to bed,–Must you be therefore proud and pitiless?Why, what means this? Why do you look on me?I see no more in you than in the ordinaryOf nature’s sale-work. Od’s my little life!I think she means to tangle my eyes too.No, faith, proud mistress, hope not after it:‘Tis not your inky brows, your black silk hair,Your bugle eyeballs, nor your cheek of cream,That can entame my spirits to your worship.You foolish shepherd, wherefore do you follow her,Like foggy south puffing with wind and rain?You are a thousand times a properer manThan she a woman: ‘tis such fools as youThat make the world full of ill-favour’d children:‘Tis not her glass, but you, that flatters her;And out of you she sees herself more properThan any of her lineaments can show her.But, mistress, know yourself: down on your knees,And thank heaven, fasting, for a good man’s love:For I must tell you friendly in your ear,Sell when you can; you are not for all markets.Cry the man mercy; love him; take his offer:Foul is most foul, being foul to be a scoffer.So take her to thee, shepherd. Fare you well.”

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Amanda Wingfield from “The Glass Menagerie” – That Old Trunk

“Possess your soul in patience – you will see!Something I’ve resurrected from that old trunk! Styles haven’t changed so terribly much after all.
[She parts the portières.]
Now just look at your mother ![She wears a girlish frock of yellowed voile with a blue silk sash. She carries a bunch of jonquils – the legend of her youth is nearly revived.][Feverishly]: This is the dress in which I led the cotillion, won the cakewalk twice at Sunset Hill, wore one spring to the Governor’s ball in Jackson ! See how I sashayed around the ballroom, Laura?[She raises her skirt and does a mincing step around the room.] I wore it on Sundays for my gentlemen callers ! I had it on the day I met your father. I had malaria fever all that spring. The change of climate from East Tennessee to the Delta – weakened resistance I had a little temperature all the time – not enough to be serious – just enough to make me restless and giddy. Invitations poured in – parties all over the Delta! – ‘Stay in bed,’ said mother, ‘you have fever!’ – but I just wouldn’t. – I took quinine but kept on going, going ! Evenings, dances ! – Afternoons, long, long rides! Picnics. – lovely! – So lovely, that country in May. – All lacy with dogwood, literally flooded with jonquils! – That was the spring I had the craze for jonquils. Jonquils became an absolute obsession. Mother said, ‘Honey, there’s no more room for jonquils.’ And still I kept on bringing in more jonquils. Whenever, wherever I saw them, I’d say, “Stop ! Stop! I see jonquils ! I made the young men help me gather the jonquils ! It was a joke, Amanda and her jonquils ! Finally there were no more vases to hold them, every available space was filled with jonquils. No vases to hold them? All right, I’ll hold them myself – And then I – [She stops in front of the picture.] met your father ! Malaria fever and jonquils and then – this – boy…. [She switches on the rose-coloured lamp.] I hope they get here before it starts to rain.”

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Original Monologue by Joseph Arnone – Don’t Look at Me

“Don’t look at me.(points) You.Eh, eh, eh…when I address you, do not look at me.No eye contact.Is that understood?Look away.(beat)Okay, look at me now.(snaps her fingers) I told you not to look at me.Even if I tell you to look at me, do not look at me. Understood?Good, good darling.(she removes her gloves and hands them to her assistant)Oh!I have something in my eye, can you help me?(pointing) Looking, looking, looking!NO looking under all circumstances.You must raise up that attention span of yours.A fish could retain more darling.That is true.I have read it.Less attention span than a fish.Do not let that be you darling.”

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Sarah Brown from “Guys and Dolls” – The Devil

“Brothers and sisters, resist the Devil and he will flee from you. That is what the Bible tells us. And that is why I am standing here, in the Devil’s own city, on the Devil’s own street, prepared to do battle with the forces of evil. Hear me, you gamblers! With your dice, your cards, your horses! Pause and think before it is too late! You are in great danger! I am not speaking of the prison and the gallows, but of the greater punishment that awaits you! Repent before it is too late!Just around the corner is out little mission where you are always welcome to seek refuge from this jungle of sin. Come here and talk to me. Do not think of me as Sergeant Sarah Brown, but as Sarah Brown, your sister. Join me, Brothers and Sisters, in resisting the Devil, and we can put him to flight forever.”

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Eliza Dolittle from “My Fair Lady” – My Aunt Died of Influenza “

My aunt died of influenza, so they said. But it’s my belief they done the old woman in. Yes Lord love you! Why should she die of influenza when she come through diphtheria right enough the year before? Fairly blue with it she was. They all thought she was dead. But my father, he kept ladling gin down her throat. Then she come to so sudden that she bit the bowl off the spoon. Now, what would you call a woman with that strength in her have to die of influenza, and what become of her new straw hat that should have come to me? Somebody pinched it, and what I say is, them that pinched it, done her in. Them she lived with would have killed her for a hatpin, let alone a hat. And as for father ladling the gin down her throat, it wouldn’t have killed her. Not her. Gin was as mother’s milk to her. Besides, he’s poured so much down his own throat that he knew the good of it.”

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Gwendolyn Fairfax from “The Importance of Being Earnest” – It is Strange

“Oh! It is strange he never mentioned to me that he had a ward. How secretive of him! He grows more interesting hourly. I am not sure, however, that the news inspires me with feelings of unmixed delight. [Rising and going to her.] I am very fond of you, Cecily; I have liked you ever since I met you! But I am bound to state that now that I know that you are Mr. Worthing’s ward, I cannot help expressing a wish you were—well, just a little older than you seem to be—and not quite so very alluring in appearance. In fact, if I may speak candidly— […] Well, to speak with perfect candour, Cecily, I wish that you were fully forty-two, and more than usually plain for your age. Ernest has a strong upright nature. He is the very soul of truth and honour. Disloyalty would be as impossible to him as deception. But even men of the noblest possible moral character are extremely susceptible to the influence of the physical charms of others. Modern, no less than Ancient History, supplies us with many most painful examples of what I refer to. If it were not so, indeed, History would be quite unreadable.”

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Bachelorette by Leslye Headland – Regan’s Monologue ‘CAN I SAY SOMETHING?!’

Scene Three
Thirty minutes later.
The suite is empty as it was. A disaster.

After a moment, Regan emerges from the bedroom. A bed sheet wrapped around her. She goes for the coffee and gulps a mug full. The coffee is ice cold so she instantly opens her mouth and coffee spills all over he chest.

REGAN: Shit. Fuck. (Her cell phone catches her eye. She looks at it.) Douchebag. (She makes a call. Into the phone. ) What?!… Why the fuck are you calling me a million times? … It was on vibrate …I’m at Becky’s thing. I told you we would be out late … You go out every fucking Saturday with your meathead friends and I go out once … ONCE in the last six months and you give me shit for it … Uh huh .. Yeah … Well, I don’t care … because you’re an idiot … Yeah … I TOLD you we’d be OUT late … (She see’s Joe’s bowl, She finds a lighter and takes a hit. Into the phone.) You don’t care anyway… your residency my ass-fuck-face … No, I’m not smoking … I’m NOT SMOKING … I Fucking quit three years ago .. for you .. and you don’t trust me … thats what this comes down to … You … you … CAN I SAY SOMETHING?! (Jeff enters from the bedroom. He’s practically dressed. He picks up a coffee as well. He spits it back into the cup. Into the phone) Can I say one thing at this juncture before you start acting like … LISTEN! If you can’t trust me, then I don’t know what the fucking point of me EVER leaving the house … I’ll just bake a casserole and then lie around with my legs open until you feel like … YOU ARE SUCH A BABY! … That’s stupid … Well, I think you’re stupid … I’ll be home when I feel like coming home … FINE! MAYBE I WILL! (She hangs up and tosses the cell phone away.)

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The Last of the Red Hot Lovers By Neil Simon – Elaine’s Monologue- ‘You Hypocrite!’

Elaine:You hypocrite! You soul-searching, finger-smelling, hypocritical son of a bitch! Who are you to tell anybody how to go through life? What would you have done if I came in here all fluttery and blushing and ‘Ooh, Mr Cashman, don’t put your hand there, I’m a married woman’? Were you going to tell me how much you respect me? You know damn well tomorrow you’d be back behind that counter opening clams and praying to Christ I’d never come back in your restaurant. And you know something? That’s the way it should be. Forgive me for the terrible, sinful thing I’m about to say but I happen to like the pure physical act of making love. It warms me, it stimulates me and it makes me feel like a woman – but that’s another ugly story. That’s what I came up here for and that’s what you were expecting. But don’t give me, ‘When I was nine years old my mother ran off with the butcher and I’ve been looking for someone to love me ever since.’ I don’t know your problems and I don’t care. Keep your savory swordfish succotash stories to yourself. No one really cares about anything or anyone in this world except himself, and there’s only one way to get through with your sanity. If you can’t taste it, touch it or smell it, forget it! If you want a copy of that speech, send fifty cents and self-addressed envelope –

It’s getting late … and I have to feed the lion at six..

Don’t waste your time. We’re incompatible. You need Joan Fontaine and I need a box of lozenges.

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THE CHERRY ORCHARD By Anton Chekhov- Lyuba Ranevsky Monologue, ‘Oh My Sins!’

“Oh, my sins…. I’ve always scattered money about without holding myself in, like a madwoman, and I married a man who made nothing but debts. My husband died of champagne—he drank terribly—and to my misfortune, I fell in love with another man and went off with him, and just at that time—it was my first punishment, a blow that hit me right on the head—here, in the river… my boy was drowned, and I went away, quite away, never to return, never to see this river again…I shut my eyes and ran without thinking, but he ran after me… without pity, without respect. I bought a villa near Mentone because he fell ill there, and for three years I knew no rest either by day or night; the sick man wore me out, and my soul dried up. And last year, when they had sold the villa to pay my debts, I went away to Paris, and there he robbed me of all I had and threw me over and went off with another woman. I tried to poison myself…. It was so silly, so shameful…. And suddenly I longed to be back in Russia, my own land, with my little girl…. [Wipes her tears] Lord, Lord be merciful to me, forgive me my sins! Punish me no more! [Takes a telegram out of her pocket] I had this to-day from Paris…. He begs my forgiveness, he implores me to return…. [Tears it up] Don’t I hear music? [Listens.]”

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WOMEN OF MANHATTAN by John Patrick Shanley – Judy Monologue ‘I Will Dream On!’

Judy: I will! I will dream on. Because that is exactly what I am talking about. My dreams. Which you do not know. And which you don’t think are important enough to know. Do you think this body is something? What a joke! Any great poet the last three thousand years will tell you what a joke that is! This stuff, this flesh, this heavy breathing … We have this aptitude in our hearts and brains and souls to arrive at something so rich and inflamed and unspeakable and sacred and New! Not this tired shit you want to foist on me. That’s not what I want. I won’t give up my standards! I know what I know. If I tried to live on the kind of things you’re offering me, I’d starve to death. You’ve got to dig for treasure, Duke! Not settle for the stuff just lying out on the ground. You could sleep with me if you weren’t so god damn lazy and narcissistic and were willing to exert yourself a little and show some interest in the actual core of another human being! But you will not sleep with me because I will not perform a stupid mechanical pantomime, like I was trying and failing to remember something fine, something from a better world, something alien and beautiful and lost! What, you look vacant, don’t you get it? I’ll give it to you in a nutshell. I’ll give it to you in basic modern American: I’m not interested in the hardware without the software. Look, let’s just let this fall apart, okay? Don’t hang around for the sake of neatness. I’ll get the check. It was worth that much to me to have my say.

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The Importance of Being Earnest – Lady Bracknell

Monologue Length 2 Mins

LADY BRACKNELL: Well, I must say, Algernon, that I think it is high time that Mr. Bunbury made up his mind whether he was going to live or die. This shilly-shallying with the question is absurd. Nor do I in any way approve of the modern sympathy with invalids. I consider it morbid. Illness of any kind is hardly a thing to be encouraged in others. Health is the primary duty of life. I am always telling that to your poor uncle, but he never seems to take much notice . . . as far as any improvement in his ailment goes. Well, Algernon, of course if you are obliged to be beside the bedside of Mr. Bunbury, I have nothing more to say. But I would be much obliged if you would ask Mr. Bunbury, from me, to be kind enough not to have a relapse on Saturday, for I rely on you to arrange my music for me. It is my last reception, and one wants something that will encourage conversation, particularly at the end of the season when every one has practically said whatever they had to say, which, in most cases, was probably not much.

A Matter of Husbands: The Famous Actress’ Monologue

Monologue Length 4 Minutes

FAMOUS ACTRESS: It happens to every actress who is moderately pretty and successful. It’s one of the oldest expedients in the world, and we actresses are such conspicuous targets for it! There is scarcely a man connected with the theater who doesn’t make use of us in that way some time or another–authors, composers, scene designers, lawyers, orchestra leaders, even the managers themselves. To regain a wife or sweetheart’s affections all they need to do is invent a love affair with one of us. The wife is always so ready to believe it. Usually we don’t know a thing about it. But even when it is brought to our notice we don’t mind so much. At least we have the consolation of knowing that we are the means of making many a marriage happy which might otherwise have ended in the divorce court. [With a gracious little laugh] There, dear, you mustn’t apologize. You couldn’t know, of course. It seems so plausible. You fancy your husband in an atmosphere of perpetual temptation, in a backstage world full of beautiful sirens without scruples or morals. One actress, you suppose, is more dangerous than a hundred ordinary women. You hate us and fear us. None understands that better than your husband, who is evidently a very cunning lawyer. And so he plays on your fear and jealousy to regain the love you deny him. He writes a letter and leaves it behind him on the desk. Trust a lawyer never to do that unintentionally. He orders flowers for me by telephone in the morning and probably cancels the order the moment he reaches his office. By the way, hasn’t he a lock of my hair? They bribe my hair-dresser to steal from me. It’s a wonder I have any hair left at all. And hasn’t he left any of my love letters lying around? Don’t be alarmed. I haven’t written him any. I might have if he had come to me frankly and said: “I say, Sara, will you do something for me? My wife and I aren’t getting on so well. Would you write me a passionate love letter that I can leave lying around at home where she may find it?” I should certainly have done it for him. I’d have written a letter that would have made you weep into your pillow for a fortnight. I wrote ten like that for a very eminent playwright once. But he had no luck with them. His wife was such a proper person she returned them all to him unread.

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Brilliant Traces by Cindy Lou Johnson

Rosanna Monologue ‘Why didn’t you answer the door?!’

Loud Knocking on the Door

Rosannaapproaches the cabin door wearing a tattered wedding dress

(from outside): ‘Hello! Is anyone there?? Let me in! Im in very serious trouble!’

Bursts through the door, notices Henry Harry standing inside his cabin, shocked.

Rosanna: ‘Why didn’t you answer the door?! I could’ve frozen to death! My death would have been on your hands had that been the case! It’s something like 200 degrees below out there with wind chill and I’ve been walking for over an hour. My car died, dead. I left it out there, its probably totally buried somewhere in the snow. Somewhere – do you mind if I have a drink?

Sighs, takes a drink.

‘Im nearly frozen and I also may be suffering from frostbite of the extremities like my toes and fingers but I was able to keep my fingers from falling off by sticking them in my armpits. I saw that on a TV Movie once. There was this guy and he was in a skiing accident, immobilized and they were taking forever to get him a stretcher or something and so he asks this beautiful nurse who conveniently happened to be there I mean she couldn’t do something because he was freezing to death but she stuck his fingers in his armpits. That’s how she saved him! He fell in love with her then and there and they married later in the show. You know this is always the story of my life. I have to play all the roles, I have to be the one in trouble and the nurse too, sticking my own fingers in my own armpits, saving myself. But the problem is you can’t stick your feet anywhere you know not if you want to keep walking.

Im sorry, do you mind if I just –

Takes another drink.

Sighs* Ohh, so – this is Alaska! Oh my lord, It is harder to believe than I can even say that I am so much as alive. When my car died I could just hear the wind, I could just hear it and the snow was falling so fast and it was covering the windshield instantly, instantly ! And it was getting colder in there by the second and I just thought, ‘Rosanna, this is it for you,’ you know I knew that if I stayed in the car I would fall asleep and I might freeze and die and I knew if I got out of the car with the wind and all that, then I would fall down and freeze and die. Freezing and dying was up there at the forefront of my brain of things to consider but I thought getting out, you know, walking, there’s a chance. I mean a slim chance anyway but a chance so I got out.

Interesting thing about being on the verge of death – you don’t think about the good points or the bad points of life, you just think live! And let there be someone, a light, some warmth that’s all I thought. And then I saw your light, and now, here I am.

*Pause, takes another drink, finishes the bottle.

I’ll pay for this. (small chuckle) You know Ive been on the road for days, and days and days. I don’t even know when I got in my car or where Ive been all I know is that every five hours, gas, that’s been my system. Gas, pee, eat a candy bar, drink a coke, like the engine’s inside me and the car, and (notices a bag of pretzels, starts eating them). Is it okay if I have some of these pretzels? Because it’s just about candy bar time for me and I do not see any candy bars plus its probably best I lay off the sugar. Ive had nothing to eat but sugar for quite some number of days its cheap energy but sooner or later you gotta pay the piper in case of sugar, which I’m doing now. See my hand tremble, that is a Mars bar tremble. Plus I haven’t slept in several days not that I didn’t try mind you, I was awake, with a capital W. Like lying awake was what it was like. The hours passed and the road kind of bleared behind me. So I’m tired, and I’m hungry and the fact of the matter is, Im very dirty. Let’s call is spade to spade, I am filthy and I’ve sweat too much and this dress is a very close fit even in the best of circumstances and the truth is Im in pain, just like terrible pain.

That’s the only reason why I would drink this so hard and fast and it’s not like my muscles but like inside my muscles, my dna, my genes. Ya, I think that must be it or my rna? Im not sure. I just…

Ohhh, (Lets out a sigh,) Im sorry, its this terrible pain in my dna. Im dreadfully sorry Im more sorry than I can say.

Takes a step forward, grabs the chair, faints to the ground.

Fade to black.

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Picking the Best Comedic Monologues

Try to go with a monologue that matches your personality, to an extent. Yes, you’re supposed to be acting, but to nail your audition, choose something you can really identify with. Any of these comedic monologues will slay in the audition room, no matter which you choose. Good luck!

MONOLOGUES FOR ACTORS

Comedic Monologues For Men

The post Comedic Monologues For Women appeared first on We Are Actors.

After twenty years onscreen, Cameron Diaz left the film business in 2014, officially announcing her retirement from acting four years later. But that was just a sabbatical, as she returns to star opposite Jamie Foxx in Netflix‘s spy flick “Back In Action“ next January. So why did Diaz leave Hollywood for a decade, and how long will her return last?

EW reports that Diaz explained her exit from the industry at Fortune’s Most Powerful Women Summit this week. “For me, it was just something I had to do,” said the actress. “It felt like something I had to do to reclaim my own life.  And I just really didn’t care about anything else.” Said life reclamation revolved around two major things for Diaz: starting a business and a family. The actress and her husband, Good Charlotte musician Benji Madden, welcome their first child by surrogate in 2019, with a second child arriving this past March.  Diazo also. started the vegan-friendly wine brand Avaline with her friend Katerine Power in 2020.

For Diaz, the extreme live pivot that came from stepping away from Hollywood was about putting her life first. “Nobody’s opinion, nobody’s success, no one’s offer, no one’s anything could change my mind about my decision of taking care of myself and building the life that I really wanted to have,” continued the actress. “It really comes to: What are you passionate about? For me, it was to build my family.”

But Diaz fans have known about her Hollywood return for awhile. The actress first broke the news about “Back In Action” in June 2022 on Instagram. Her post about the film read “Jamie Foxx, only you could get me back in action!!! I can’t frickin wait it’s gonna be a blast!” Old friends Diaz and Foxx have starred in a couple of films before: Oliver Stone‘s 1999 football drama “Any Given Sunday” and Diaz’s last film to date, “Annie.” Now they’ll team up again for Netflix’s film about a pair of former spies who abandon the CIA to start a family together only for their cover to be blown, forcing them back into espionage. “Back In Action” hits the streamer on January 17, 2025.

But will Diaz’s team-up with Foxx be a one-off Hollywood return for the actress? Not at all. Diaz will reprise her voice role as Princess Fiona in “Shrek 5” in 2026, and also has a role in Jonah Hill‘s upcoming black comedy “Outcome.” So, yes, retirement is officially over for Ms. Diaz, and expect her to add more projects to her calendar soon.

The post Cameron Diaz Dishes On Why She Retired From Acting For A Decade: “It Was Just Something I had To Do” appeared first on We Are Actors.

Can the cast of “Sing” take on a Halloween thriller? They’re about to find out in the special short “Sing: Thriller.” This time, the cast performs a spirited version of the hit Michael Jackson song. The real thrills occur when Buster Moon and the team find themselves at a spooky party. What follows is an homage to classic horror and the famous music video for Jackson’s song. “Sing” writer and director Garth Jennings once again does triple duty for the short, additionally voicing Miss Crawly. 

READ MORE: Nintendo Announces ‘Super Mario Bros. Movie’ Sequel From Illumination Coming April 2026

Chris Meledandri is the producer of “Sing: Thriller.” The head of Illumination has steered franchises like “Despicable Me,” “Minions,” and “The Secret Life of Pets” to success. Last year, the animation studio added another blockbuster title to its filmography with “The Super Mario Bros. Movie.” It has grossed over a billion dollars and remains a favorite with gaming fans. 

The film series’ talented cast returns for this short. Matthew McConaughey voices New Moon Theater operator Buster Moon. Others returning include Tori Kelly, Nick Kroll, Scarlett Johansson, and Taron Egerton. Reese Witherspoon, who voices Rosita in “Sing” and “Sing 2,” is not listed among the short’s cast.

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The short’s official synopsis:

After staging a spectacular version of Thriller at the New Moon Theatre, Buster Moon and the cast of SING leave to celebrate at Clay Calloway’s Halloween party. But when our heroes arrive at the party, they discover a mysterious, multi-colored ooze that has transformed Clay and his guests into dancing freaks.

Celebrate Halloween with the rhythm, fun, and frights of “Sing: Thriller.” The animated short debuts only on Netflix on October 16. Watch the trailer below.

The post ‘Sing: Thriller’ Trailer: Scarlett Johansson, Reese Witherspoon & Matthew McConaughey Voice New ‘Sing’ Halloween Short For Netflix appeared first on We Are Actors.

Over the course of his career, filmmaker J.J. Abrams has only directed one feature that wasn’t already attached to a franchise. That film is 2011’s “Super 8.” And it would appear he might have another one coming soon, as was teased by none other than Dwayne Johnson.

READ MORE: 2024 Fall Film Preview: 50 Movies To Watch

In a post on Instagram, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson shared an image of himself sitting with J.J. Abrams and writer Zak Penn, teasing a new project that will be made by the trio. He didn’t share any specifics about the plot, unfortunately.

Johnson wrote on Instagram, “Years in the making – we finally broke bread, we drank, we laughed, got a lil’ drunk (maybe that was just me 🙋🏽‍♂️) we talked life stuff, love stuff, dude stuff and took our time chopping up our passion for movies and storytelling. Then we all raised a glass and toasted to….yup, this one is gonna be fun.”

Of course, we’re just speculating that this is a film that will be an original idea and not some franchise thing. When you’re talking about Johnson and Abrams, there is never the guarantee that this isn’t some sort of franchise film. However, with Johnson seemingly done with superhero stuff, and Abrams burned by the “Star Wars” experience, it would make sense that these two might want to try something a bit different.

We also don’t know when we might see this film come to theaters. Clearly, this is in the early stages, but perhaps we’ll find out more sooner than later.

The post Dwayne Johnson Teaming Up With J.J. Abrams For A New Mystery Film appeared first on We Are Actors.

Entering the world of acting can be an exciting and rewarding experience for children and their families. Whether your child is dreaming of starring in a Disney show or simply wants to explore their creative side, mastering the art of auditioning is a crucial first step. Successful auditions open the door to numerous opportunities, including commercials, TV shows, films, and even toddler modeling gigs. In this article, we’ll share essential techniques that can help your aspiring child actor shine during auditions and stand out from the crowd.

1. Prepare and Practice the Script

Before stepping into the audition room, make sure your child is familiar with the material. Whether it’s a few lines for a commercial, a monologue, or a scene with another actor, practice is key. For younger children, such as toddler models transitioning into acting, focus on making them comfortable with speaking lines and being expressive. Reading the script multiple times will help your child understand the emotions behind the words and deliver a more authentic performance.

Encourage your child to practice their lines in different ways: standing, sitting, and with different emotions. This helps them become more flexible in their delivery, which is a desirable trait for directors and casting agents.

2. Create a Comfortable Environment for Your Child

For young kids, auditioning can be an overwhelming experience. It’s important to create a safe and encouraging environment both during practice sessions and at the actual audition. Make sure your child feels comfortable expressing themselves. If they’re nervous, remind them that it’s okay to make mistakes and that they’re doing this for fun.

For parents of toddler models who are new to acting, making auditions feel like a playful activity rather than a stressful performance can make a big difference. Bring along a favorite toy or take breaks if necessary to keep the experience positive.

3. Master the Art of Listening and Reacting

Acting isn’t just about delivering lines; it’s also about reacting and listening. Teach your child to focus on their scene partner and respond naturally. This shows that they can stay in the moment and engage with the other actors, which is a skill casting directors value highly. Practicing this skill at home can help your child develop more dynamic and believable performances during auditions.

For example, if your child is auditioning for a role in a Disney production, emphasize the importance of reacting with genuine excitement, curiosity, or wonder—qualities that are often sought after in “Disney auditions.” Watching current Disney shows together and analyzing the actors’ performances can also provide your child with inspiration and insight into what casting agents are looking for.

4. Dress Appropriately and Understand the Role

When attending an audition, it’s crucial to choose an outfit that suits the character your child is auditioning for without going overboard. Simple clothing that aligns with the character’s personality or style works best. For toddler models transitioning into acting roles, it’s good practice to keep attire neat and expressive yet not overly flashy.

If your child is auditioning for a specific role, such as a part in a Disney Channel show, consider selecting clothing that reflects the fun, youthful, and vibrant nature of Disney characters. However, avoid costumes unless specifically instructed—casting directors want to see your child’s interpretation of the role, not an exact costume match.

5. Bring Out Your Child’s Personality

Casting directors are not just looking for kids who can recite lines—they want to see personality, enthusiasm, and passion. Encourage your child to show who they are during the audition. Smiling, being polite, and showing genuine interest can make a big impression. If there’s an opportunity for a brief introduction, have your child mention why they’re excited about the role or what they love about acting.

For Disney auditions, in particular, casting agents often seek kids who radiate positivity and energy. They want to see a child who can light up the room with their smile and natural charm. Let your child’s unique personality shine through!

6. Stay Professional and Be Prepared for the Unexpected

Auditions can sometimes come with surprises. Your child may be asked to improvise, read a different script, or act out a scenario on the spot. Preparing your child for these moments by practicing various scenarios at home will help them stay calm and adaptable.

Additionally, always have a professional headshot and resume on hand. Even if your child is a toddler model or just starting in acting, a simple one-page resume listing any relevant experience, training, or hobbies can be helpful. Ensure that you arrive on time, and be courteous and respectful to everyone you meet during the audition process.

7. Celebrate Every Audition as a Learning Experience

Not every audition will result in a callback or booking, and that’s okay. Celebrate each audition as a learning experience and an opportunity for growth. Whether it’s Disney auditions or casting calls for commercials, every experience contributes to building your child’s confidence and skill set. Praise their efforts and discuss what went well and what could be improved in a constructive way.

Final Thoughts

Helping your child succeed in auditions requires a combination of preparation, support, and understanding. By applying these essential techniques, you’ll not only make the audition process smoother but also more enjoyable for your aspiring actor. Remember, the goal is not just to book roles but to foster a love for performing and personal growth. Who knows—today’s practice session could lead to tomorrow’s starring role in a Disney show or a successful career in toddler modeling and beyond!

The post Nailing the Audition: Essential Techniques for Aspiring Child Actors appeared first on We Are Actors.

As if the opening weekend box office numbers were bad enough for “Joker: Folie à Deux,” the second weekend record that was set is even more embarrassing. Now, after a rough 10 days in theaters, there is now an estimate of how much money Warner Bros. is going to lose from Todd Phillips’ bomb. And it’s perhaps the most embarrassing of all. 

According to Variety, box office experts predict that “Joker: Folie à Deux” will lose somewhere between $150 million and $200 million by the time it leaves theaters. That would easily set it up to be one of the biggest bombs of 2024, if not the biggest. 

READ MORE: ‘Joker: Folie à Deux’: Francis Ford Coppola Praises Film For Being “One Step Ahead” Of The Audience

To break the number down even more, “Joker: Folie à Deux” cost the studio a reported $190 million to produce, and another $100 million was spent on advertising. According to box office experts, the film is only expected to bring in roughly $215 million globally by the end of its run. When you take into consideration that the studio splits that number with the theaters, it doesn’t bode well for the ‘Joker’ sequel.

Thankfully, it would appear that Todd Phillips didn’t have any desire to make a third ‘Joker’ film already. So, it’s not like this is a franchise that was expected to run for years. It was a bit of a miracle to get the second film in front of cameras, anyway. 

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So, what caused all of these issues? The big problem is the film just isn’t very good. Even when you strip away the controversial musical numbers, people are still not pleased with “Joker: Folie à Deux” in any way. Making matters even worse is the fact that word-of-mouth was abysmal after an already embarrassingly low opening weekend. The film opened really low and then dropped a shocking 81% in its second weekend. Ouch. 

If you still want to see “Joker: Folie à Deux,” you have some time left, as the film is currently still in theaters. For now, at least. 

The post ‘Joker: Folie à Deux’ Could Lose Up To $200 Million From Its Theatrical Run appeared first on We Are Actors.

It’s been a while since we’ve seen a narrative feature film from acclaimed director Andrea Arnold. In fact, her last feature was 2016’s “American Honey.” Sure, she’s done some TV work and a documentary since, but we really have been waiting to see a new narrative feature from Arnold. Thankfully, that’s what we get with the new film, “Bird.”

As seen in the trailer for “Bird,” the film follows the story of a young girl who lives with her chaotic single dad and her brother. But her life gets turned upside down when a mysterious stranger, Bird, enters the picture.

The cast includes Barry Keoghan, Franz Rogowski, Nykiya Adams, and Jason Buda. As mentioned, the film is written and directed by Andrea Arnold.

We saw the film during its run at this year’s Cannes, and in our review, we said, “Much like Katie Jarvis in ‘Fish Tank’ and Sasha Lane in ‘American Honey,’ Arnold extracts another career-making performance out of her young protagonist with Adams. The newcomer encompasses the emotional shifts in this one very formative week in Bailey’s life with such grace, effectively communicating both the boisterousness of rebellion and the fragility of insecurity.”

“Bird” arrives in theaters on November 8. You can watch the trailer below.

Here’s the synopsis:

The long-awaited return to fiction filmmaking from Academy Award-winner Andrea Arnold (American Honey, Fish Tank), BIRD is a tender, striking and extraordinarily surprising coming-of-age fable about marginalised life in the fringes of contemporary society. 12-year-old Bailey (astounding newcomer Nykiya Adams) lives with her devoted but chaotic single dad Bug (Barry Keoghan, Saltburn) and wayward brother Hunter in a squat in Gravesend, north Kent. Approaching puberty and seeking attention and adventure, Bailey’s fractured home life is transformed when she encounters Bird (Franz Rogowski, Passages), a mysterious stranger on a journey of his own. A wondrous portrait of the transition from childhood to adolescence that remains grounded in her typically empathetic social realism, Arnold’s latest strides to the wildly poetic rhythm of her own drum.

The post ‘Bird’ Trailer: Barry Keoghan & Franz Rogowski Star In Andrea Arnold’s New Film appeared first on We Are Actors.

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